Meet The Team

Jasmine approaches burgers the way a mad professor approaches lightning: with wild theories, dangerous confidence, and absolutely no fear of the consequences.

Armed with an imaginary lab coat and a clipboard that exists only in her mind, she dissects burgers at a molecular level — bun density, cheese melt coefficient, sauce viscosity, and “vibes.”

She believes burgers are alive (emotionally), once rejected a perfectly good one for “lacking narrative arc,” and can detect an overcooked patty from three tables away. If a burger passes her tests, it’s not just good — it’s scientifically bun-believable.

Burger qualifications:

• ✅ 17 years of intense opinions

• ✅ Zero tolerance for dry patties

• ✅ PhD in Burgerology (self-awarded, obviously)
   

Signature line: “I’m not saying it’s bad… I’m saying it failed the experiment.”

Isaac judges burgers like a final boss judges challengers: brutally and without mercy. A lifelong gamer, he believes burgers should be stacked, loaded, and capable of refuelling a human after a six-hour session without rage-quitting life.

He specialises in smash burgers, double patties, and anything that looks like it could give you +10 strength and -5 health.

If a burger doesn’t drip, crunch, or explode slightly, Isaac labels it “mid” and respawns to the next place.

Burger qualifications:

• ✅ Expert in smash mechanics (controller and patty)

• ✅ Can eat a burger faster than a loading screen

• ✅ Rates on taste, size, and “would I grind for this again?”

Signature line: “Smash approved. Next level.”

Mike believes burgers and football have a lot in common: both are better with passion, both cause arguments, and both should never be undercooked. As the referee of the family burger league, he brings tactical analysis, matchday experience, and a firm belief that “bun integrity” is basically good defending.

He values structure (bun), teamwork (patty-to-cheese ratio), and hates unnecessary flair unless it delivers results. If it’s not top-bin tasty, it’s relegation fodder.

Burger qualifications:

• ✅ Years of matchday burgers

• ✅ Can spot a weak bun like a dodgy back line

• ✅ If it’s not a winner, it’s benched

Signature line: “Great burger. Proper finish. Straight in the top corner.”